Five Letter Word
by Too Much Talker
Summary: 'The blue car neared her, speeding, but it was in slow motion for her.' Kind of a life after death thing. Will be continued.
1. Five Letter Word

Five Letter Word  
  
I've lived for a long time – around thirty-four years. Thirty-four years! That probably comes as a shock to you. I know – most people live to a fifty, at least. But that's not me.   
  
I've lived for thirty-four years and I have studied people's feelings for a little over five. I've come to a realization, I learnt what they're top five list of thoughts come from.  
  
5. The one letter word –I  
  
We think of 'I' – us – in three ways. Either we loathe ourselves, we think we're just about the best person in the world, or we don't think about ourselves at all.  
  
I know one of each. The person who hates himself – Chandler Bing. My best friend. He thinks he's terrible, he thinks he's crummy, he thinks he's extremely ugly *opposite - yummy* and he thinks he can't say proper jokes. I never really agree with him, but that's totally another story.  
  
The other one, the person who thinks he can't BE any better. Oops, sorry, been hanging round my mate too much. He's Ross. Ross Geller. I know he's my brother, but I can't help feeling that Ross thinks he's all high and mighty. Of course, I stopped feeling that after the car-crash, but then again, that, too, is another story.  
  
Phoebe Buffay-Geller. My sister-in-law. One who doesn't think about herself at all. She's one of the sweetest people I know. She thinks so much about others – she was too considerate to tell Rachel **tell ya later** that her freaky boyfriend was cheating on her with herself. She actually had her brother's baby **not like that, eww!!!**. She couldn't tell Ross that she couldn't ride the bike he bought her. Yep, more stories. I'll leave those for later too.  
  
So that's my description of 'I'.  
  
4. The two letter word – no  
  
Yeah, fine, that's a weird word. But you'd never believe the things people say. Most of their words are like 'No, I won't do this,', 'No, I can't do that,', 'No, I can't believe she did that!'. Their thoughts are so…negative.  
  
I'd come up with a list of people like this but I haven't thought enough about this yet.  
  
3. The three letter word – try  
  
We've tried in so many ways – most of these tries come up successfully. Other times, not. But we still try. And because of this, we accomplish, or we lose. It's always one of these.  
  
2. The four letter word – life  
  
Life. Four letters. So little space on a piece of paper, but actually a huge meaning. Life. Without this can we exist? No. Without this can we live? No. We need life. All the time. When I died, I lost my life. I came up here. So we need life, it's the best thing on earth. Not beauty, not knowledge. Life.   
  
1. The five letter word – death  
  
D. e. a. t. h. (yes, Chandler, I can spell) Everyone's afraid of this. They'll lose their friends, their family, their…*everything*. Of course, we get an almost-real-thing up here in heaven and all the stuff you have is simulated so it looks like where you lived before. But that's not the point.  
  
Everyone's thoughts are contaminated with death. Their thoughts always lead up to death. Like, 'Should I do this? Will I die?' when you're asked to bungee jump. Like, 'I feel so depressed. Should I die?' when you feel down and you feel like nothing can make you happy again. Like, 'This is so scary. I'm going to die,' when you get on a new weird ride and it's soooo freaky. Okay, fine, that's just me.  
  
Even when you're happy. Some deep thinking people always think and think and think and then it leads to death. Like, 'This is so perfect. My life is wonderful. I can't wait to get to Australia. It's been so long since I went by plane…but what if the engine stops working? What if there's a hijacked on the plane and I smash into another tall tower like the World Trade Center? What if…I die?'   
  
It's always amused me, as I read through online blogs, journals and diaries, how everyone seems to think these five things. It's so weird, yet I was afraid of these too. Yes, me, Monica Geller-Bing. The 'dead' friend of Chandler Bing, Rachel Green, Joey Tribbiani, Ross Geller, Phoebe Buffay-Geller. Me. That's why I've decided to write a new online diary -   
  
Heavenly Life.   
  
-=-=-=-=-=-  
  
Disclaimer – Don't make me cry. You guys already know I'm not David Crane or Martha Kauffman. Please don't make me cry. I WANT THEM!!!! :_(  
  
A/N – My first Friends fic. It's kind of a depressing topic to start with, I know, but I've been reading so many depressing Friends fics I know this is not that bad a start. It's not as bad as those others that were written just to make people cry. So that's why I guess I'm here.  
  
I've always wanted to see if there heaven really exists. But then I realised that to see that, you'd have to die. And what if there's no heaven? Then I'll die forever. So I'm just putting this thing up to show what I really think lies in heaven.  
  
Please review!! 


	2. Who Am I?

Okay, you guys are probably wondering who the hell I am.   
  
I'm Monica E. Geller-Bing. I'm Chandler M. Bing's wife, Rebecca Kathleen Bing's mother. I'm Rachel K. Green, Joey F. Tribbiani and Phoebe Buffay-Geller's friend and I'm Ross Geller's brother.   
  
My life: You might think my life's pretty much average - but really, it's not. It's wierd, it's different, it's unpredictable - it's wonderful.   
  
Let me start with my husband. Chandler Bing. Like I said before - he doesn't think very highly of himself. I've tried so many times, never really has worked. He's the sweetest guy ever, and so, so adorable...I miss him. He's got this sarcastic altitude but I found out it's a mask. And he's extremely strong. No, really, he actually wrestled with ME and won. And that says something.   
  
Joey Tribbiani. Chandler's best friend, his once roomate. He used to have this thought that 'Women are gods,' (I agree, actually) But inside he's got this soft heart and it's so sweet. He has about seven sisters and cause of this he believes that he has to take care of everyone - including me, Rachel and Phoebe. He loves the Knicks and Chandler is sort of like his brother. He's kind of slow....no, VERY slow and dumb. :-) Oh, and like I said before 'He USED to have this thought'. Dya know why? Yep. Rachel Green.   
  
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V  
  
My best friend - Rachel Karen Green. One of those rare people I can trust my whole life with. She was kind of snobby when I met her - hell, there's no reason not to be, she was stikin' rich! But when I left her from Lincoln High...oh my god she's changed. Changed a lot, if you compare now. She's a mother of Emma - my brother's baby *don't ask, please* - and she's engaged to Joey.  
  
Ross Geller - my brother. And I'm happy he is. He's so protective and he's taught me so much stuff. Even though he's the wanted child of the Geller family (my mom loves him and hates me), he has always protected me and made me feel as if I was the greatest person in the world when I was younger, sobbing in my room after one of my mother's harsh comments. I love him. But he's a huge dinosaur fan. Don't look at me, I dunno why.  
  
Last of all - Phoebe Buffay-Geller, my brother's wife, my ex-roomie. She's the perky, sweet type, so innocent yet so scarred with emotional thoughts in life. She's got this 'If-you're-not-happy,neither-am-I' thing going on. She's a brilliant friend, really, she's just really wierd. Floopy, in her words. She's even a singer!! Yeah!  
  
'Smelly cat, smelly cat,  
  
What are the feeding you?  
  
Smelly cat, smelly cat  
  
It's not your fault...'  
  
Okay so fine, that's not one of the best songs in the world, but she has an awesome voice. She's always making me laugh.   
  
I remember the night Phoebe and Ross got together. It was Emma's and Becky's birthday (they have the same birthdate, isn't that cool?!) and Phoebe was depressed since she had once again broken up with Mike, one of her long term relationships. Ross had broken up with Charlie (a dino freak) a few weeks ago and still hadn't gotten over it yet. They were in the sweat-pant phase but they agreed to come after some convincing from Rachel and me.   
  
So yeah, they were trying to act all 'happy' and stuff but we could tell they were sad. I told them to get home to relax and they happily agreed. And hehe, Phoebe went over to Ross's since she wanted some Advil since she had a headache. The kitchen was moonlit and they slowly neared each other ("You're so beautiful" - Ross) and then they met in a kiss. Phoebe told me what happened the next day and, of course, I was clutching my heart with an 'Awww...'. Kind of hard not to, innit?   
  
And Rachel and Joey. Well, funny thing is they've been together longer than Phoebe and Ross yet haven't married yet ("Must be a Ross-thing," - Chandler. Ross got married four times, you know that?!) Anyway, Joey had a crush on her but didn't tell her cause of Ross. And later when he DID tell her, she didn't do anything and it was long forgotten. But when Rachel got feelings for Joey...ah, he found out himself(wierd, huh?) and they finally kissed. Ah...  
  
Okay. My last day.  
  
I remember the day I died. It was November 29th...a Friday. I remember taking that day off. I remember how Becky jumped on my bed as she does everyday so that I could get her to preschool (she was four then, around nine now). I remember baking waffles that clear morning. I remember kissing Chandler softly before he left hurriedly as he was late for work. I remember dropping Becky off with my green BMW.   
  
I remember getting ready to go shopping with Rachel and Phoebe. I remember carrying a lot of bags, ditto Rachel and Phoebe. I remember walking across the road when the green man on the traffic light started blinking. I remember Rachel and Phoebe not going because they were afraid. I remember teasing them. I remember running across the road. I remember their high-pitched screams as something poked, hard, into my side. I remember dropping onto the road. I remember seeing Rachel's tearful face. I remember seeing nothing but black.  
  
I remember waking up. I remember blinking a few times to adjust to the white-ness the place held. I remember my glimmer of hope, thinking I was alive again. I remember suddenly noticing how I was lying on clouds. I remember shooting up from my seat and screaming out loud.  
  
I remember seeing my Nana. I remember her saying I can choose six people who can see me, hear me. I remember choosing my best friends at once. I remember my Nana smiling, agreeing. I remember her telling me that they could see me again in five weeks time. I remember giving a small smile. I remember her letting me go for my funeral four days after I died.  
  
I remember the silent tears pouring down Chandler's face. I remember Rachel's hysterical cries. I remember Phoebe's shaking shoulders. I remember Ross's arms wrapped around her shoulders. I remember Joey's silent altitude through out the whole funeral. I remember the speeches they gave. I remember one particularly well - Joey's.  
  
"Monica Bing," - a deep, shaky breath - "One of the most talented people I've ever met. Her regular squeals of "I know!", her neat freakiness. Her soft, soft heart. Her heart is definitely in the right place." - tears were flowing freely down his face, like the others' - "Her love for babies. Her love for Chandler, for Rebecca...her love for me, Phoebe, Rachel, Ross. Her unspoken love for her family." - at this a sharp breath could be heard. My mum. -"She didn't deserve to die. No, she doesn't.  
  
"Who'll make my breakfast for me? Who'll iron my clothes from me? Who'll walk around my apartment, cleaning everything, including the back of the fridge? Who'll scream "I know!" ever so often?" - a small smile of remembrance could be seen through everyone's glistening tears - "I've always believed that no one I know could die. I never thought that anyone dying could have such an impact on me. But I've realised now. I realised that no one lives forever...gosh, that sounds like a James Bond movie." - everyone gave a slight chuckle - "Monica. I know you're listening to me. Please know that I will never, ever forget you."  
  
I remember Joey running off the stage, sobbing. I remember the wet stuff running down my cheeks. I remember thinking that Joey has never been so mature before. I remember thinking that Joey knew about my ghost-ness, somehow.  
  
  
  
Oh, god, I'm going to cry. Really. I think I have to go get some tissues and make some cookies while waiting for my roomie.  
  
Bye!  
  
Monica Geller-Bing  
  
A/N: Yay! My second chapter! =) I guess it's not that long, but I really love this one. I love Joey's speech. =) Please review peeps!! And thanks for the review!  
  
Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me. I'm not feeling very creative now, so...Yeah. That's it. "None of the characters belong to me." 


	3. Oh my God

Disclaimer: I'm sorry, I thought I was Martha Kauffman or David Crane for a moment there, but apparantly, I was wrong.  
  
So leave me alone. =_(  
  
Author's Note: Thank you for all the reviews everyone!!!! I think this chapter's pretty stupid, but I don't really care because it has what I wanted in it...so...yeah.   
  
Exintaris - thank you for pointing those out. I'll try to avoid them in the future!! =)  
  
Liz - =D Thanks!!!  
  
LiL KiM 2489 - sorry, I don't think I'm updating it very often, though, am I? =P  
  
dupton - thanks!!! I love your fics too!! And Joey and Rachel - DUH yeah!!!!  
  
love the story - lol nice nickname. and thank you to you too!!!  
  
Now on with the story...  
  
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I met my dad.  
  
I didn't choose him as one of the people I could communicate with.  
  
And I met him.  
  
Five years.   
  
And I met my dad, finally.   
  
I saw him, and he saw me, and I hugged him, and we cried.  
  
Yep, Jack Geller's dead.  
  
He asked me what heaven was like.  
  
I told him what I'm gonna tell you guys.  
  
Heaven's pretty okay, really. The floor's brilliant, we don't need beds with all the fluff we've got.  
  
I think I'm losing my cleaning touch. I drop a sauce of pizza [purposely, so I can get something to clean] and I go get a towel and run back and what do I see? Nothing. Just white cloud, like before. I swear, I hate that. Stupid cloudy stuff sucks it up or something. But it doesn't suck up stuff like tables and chairs or whatever....  
  
Oh, and you know I told you that Nana told me that we get to communicate with five people we choose?  
  
Well, I was wrong, actually. We get to communicate, yeah, yeah, but the worst part is, they don't remember my last visit the next time I come to visit. It's as if I didn't come before at all. They forget as soon as I leave, so that they don't tell everyone that people from heaven can communicate. Haha, they'd try to reach Elvis, wouldn't they? [AAAH! I met him last night!! He sang Burnin' Love at the Kareoke Bar!!!] And do you know HOW long a visit of mine lasts? Two hours. Yeah. And two hours a FORTNIGHT. Another thing I hate.  
  
Okay, the positive stuff. Our houses are mixes of our old houses and our roomie's old house. That's nice, I guess.  
  
And we get the stuff we want to get. Like, we just picture something, clearly, in our minds, and we get that. That THING. I've tried to get Chandler up here and he would've died that same night if the Heaven Governent hadn't found out and hadn't given him his life back to him. Anyway, I got a virtual player thing, and a great MP3 player and stuff like that. Cool, innit?  
  
"Sometimes I get so wierd, I even freak myself out,  
  
I laugh myself to sleep, it's my lullaby..."  
  
-Anything But Ordinary  
  
-Avril Lavigne  
  
I think that that song's probably my room-mate's theme song. She's VERY wierd, and I'm sure I hear her giggling at around twelve midnight.   
  
My roomie. Her name's Candyeidi. She says her name's the product of a Willy Wonka as a father and a Heidi lover as a mother. I call her Candy, it just suits her more. She's sweet, but sometimes sour, sometimes neither of them or sometimes really bland. That's probably why I call her wierd, I guess.  
  
She's a great friend, really. She makes me laugh with fast thought replies and she reminded me to live my second life instead of looking back on the past. She's a lot like Phoebe. If Pheebs died they'd probably love each other, I bet. They're both suckers for ESP and aura-cleaning and stuff like that. But Candy's more down to earth than Pheebs...haha, down to earth...  
  
But Candy's also not that much like Pheebs. She abides lots of rules unlike Phoebe, which I normally would like, but it's against the law to communicate with you guys. Because no one should know about this...[scroll down later] Anyway, Candy can't know about this or else she'd go rattling off to the police and they'd arrest me at once.  
  
Okay...  
  
Because no one should know about this. Because if this was known to everyone in the world, who KNOWS what they'd try to do. So I have to ask you guys a favor.   
  
Do NOT tell ANYONE that you're reading this. I usually like referrals, but honestly, if anyone else knew about this and rattled it off to everyone, the whole world'd go into chaos and I'd DEFINITELY be arrested.  
  
But you're welcome to give this address to Chandler Bing, Rachel Green, Phoebe Buffay-Geller, Joey Tribbiani or Ross Geller. I know they'd love to hear from me.  
  
OH yeah!! I could write a note for them during my next visit!!! WHY didn't I think of this before?  
  
Dadadadadadadadadadadadada...  
  
I can't believe I forgot something!!!!!!  
  
Okay, so it was a Saturday, and the five of them were together, having fun. They were all at Chandler's [and mine, once] apartment, watching a few movies. My daughter was at my parents' house. Things weren't looking that bad. Rachel had gotten a promotion and was positively beaming. Joey was smiling for her and Phoebe and Ross were grinning as well. Chandler was, too, but not as much as the rest.  
  
Either he was so engrossed in the movie...  
  
...or I really must've depressed him. I somehow had the gut feeling that it was the latter.  
  
I stay there down with them. We were all laughing and everything, but none of them could hear me, feel me, touch me.   
  
They had a food fight, too. Popcorn was being thrown everywhere and there were puddles of coke all over my carpeted floor.  
  
I stared at them, angry. Who'd do such a stupid thing like that?  
  
'Oh, yeah,' I remembered.  
  
Them.  
  
As they got up later, their t-shirts super sticky and their hair messy with a few bits of popcorn later, Chandler reminded them to help him clean up. [I knew I married him for a reason!]  
  
They got their brooms and mops out and started mopping reluctantly.  
  
"You know, guys," Ross started softly.  
  
They stopped and looked at him.  
  
"Monica would've made us do this earlier than Chandler did."  
  
The others smiled. "Yeah..." remarked Chandler, his eyes quite bright, "Remember when we teased her for being so neat freaky?"  
  
They nodded...and I did too. I could remember that time clearly.  
  
"Yeah, she just HAD to get up from bed to get that pair of shoes from the living room!" Rachel squealed, laughing.  
  
We joined in.  
  
I smiled and lifted my hand to wave furiously, forgetting for a moment that they couldn't see me. I felt a gust of wind from my hand...  
  
Rachel's hair got messed up.  
  
"Erm, what was that?" she asked.  
  
Phoebe was staring at her.  
  
"She's here," she whispered, softly, quietly.  
  
She turned to look at me. "Hey Mon."  
  
I, in turn, said, "Hey Pheebs," to her.  
  
"I can hear rustling..." Joey said slowly.  
  
The rest of them came next to Phoebe.  
  
"Hey guys," I said, louder than before.  
  
"I can hear something too!!" Rachel smiled.  
  
Ross glanced at the window. "B-but that's impossible. The window's closed, the television's off, and I'm sure there aren't any mice or cockroaches here..."  
  
"Ewwwww!!!" I screamed.  
  
Ross spun around.  
  
"Monica?"  
  
"You can hear me?!?!" I yelled.  
  
"Yeah, Mon, we can hear you..." Chandler said. His eyes were wide.  
  
I gave a huge smile. "YES!" I squealed, pumping my fists in the air, thus creating more wind.  
  
"You're smiling, aren't you?" Chandler said, amused. His hair was ruffled.  
  
"How can you tell?" I said loudly.  
  
"I can hear it in your voice." he replied.  
  
Moments passed by as I stared at all my friends and they stared back at me...well, where I was supposed to be, anyway.  
  
"Oh my God, Mon, how?" Rachel was awestruck.  
  
"You're a ghost, aren't you?" Phoebe bounced.  
  
"Uh, yeah, I am," I laughed loudly.  
  
I tried to hug them, and I made it even more windy, but I didn't care.  
  
They couldn't see me, but they could definitely hear me.  
  
Hours passed gaily and suddenly sounds of early morning activity filled the room.  
  
"Okay, guys," I yelled, "I'd better go."  
  
"We'd better, too," Rachel and Joey said at the same time, then glanced at each other and blushed. I giggled.  
  
Ross and Phoebe nodded too. "So should we."  
  
Chandler agreed. "I have to go pick up Becky."  
  
I nodded. "Okay."  
  
"Bye, Mon!" they chorused.  
  
"Bye, guys," I yelled.  
  
"Come down here tomorrow next week, can you?" Chandler asked.  
  
I said the affirmative and left. My throat couldn't be more sore, my eyes couldn't be more wet, my stomach couldn't be aching any more than this, but I was happy.  
  
Because for the first time in my life for years, I felt complete. 


End file.
